If the nativity story was the Jeremy Kyle Show

I don’t like the nativity story. In fact, I’m not a fan of organised religion. But the story of Jesus is strange. So, Mary and Joseph are a couple. They are engaged, and Gabriel prophesies that she will give birth to the world’s saviour. By God impregnating her. Joseph, who doesn’t know this, does bit understand why Mary is pregnant. Is she sleeping with someone else or did the condom break? (Just go with the flow, I know condoms were cotton or pig intestine then). The Bible is a strange place, and even Mary Magdalene and Jezebel are allegedly whores and get away with it,  yet everyone else is condemned. Or that God is technically more evil than Lucifer, because he kills more people. All Satan really does is encourage people to think for themselves by “tempting” them. For instance, as a snake, he says all Eve will do is have knowledge of good and evil instead of being ignorant (how is being enlightened that sin exists a bad thing?). The Buddhists say that the reason why there is suffering is because of ignorance of evil, which is exactly how God wanted the first humans. Way to go, Bible. 

 Anyway, If this was the Jeremy Kyle Show, there’d be a DNA test and the caption “prove you aren’t having sex with Gabriel or I’m leaving”. Then come in the three wise men and the inn keeper. The inn keeper has a bone to pick with the couple, because he couldn’t prioritise a pregnant woman giving birth to an important child.  When baby does arrive, all the world comes to see him. 

Okay, so I don’t actually dislike the story that much. Is the nativity story a nice one? Yes, I’d probably take any future children to the church and join in. But plot wise, it is pretty weird at times.  I suppose there’s definitely much more bizarre tales in there. 

But as usual, it’s up to you guys – my readers. What do you make of my analysis; too much thought involved, or quite amusing? 


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